Weekly Plunder: Week 19 - On the Edge

Late afternoon at rush hour and there was a faint mist in the air. Standing in a still but frigid air, I waited for the signal to walk cross Tucker Boulevard. Tucker Boulevard is arguably the most dangerous street in downtown St Louis. I’ve seen a lot of brutal wrecks on Tucker and it’s a typical week when one reads in the news about a Tucker Boulevard death or two. Cars can drive recklessly and downright maniacally.

From the other side of the street, a man indifferently crossed toward me while the “Do Not Walk” sign clearly glowed. Cars seemed to bullet at him, first from the left and from the right when he crossed the median. I waited for the sound of metal breaking bone but never heard it. A bus sharply swerved into another lane to avoid hitting him and the bus also barely evaded the car to its side. Honks sounded from everywhere. I was pleasantly surprised when the man made it to my sidewalk still in one piece.

When the man crossed he looked into my eyes and grinned. “Sometimes you just gotta say enough’s enough and live on the edge.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I said the only thing on my mind: “That was pretty damn gnarly dude.” And then he walked off. I agree with his mantra, but I also know that my own risk tolerance has its limits. Still, there is a point to safety preventing us from experiencing the full potential of exhilaration.

The one-off encounters we often have with strangers…

What I’m watching: Cobra Kai season 4. A continuation of the characters from the Karate Kid films as they deal with middle age. I loved season 1. Season 4 is often silly but also addicting. I find Terry Silver to be the best character, maybe because I see a lot of him in myself (at least in the early episodes). A former martial arts master living an aristocratic life in Malibu, he is content to retire in comfort and luxury. He was a sensei and an extremely dangerous martial artist. His former partner brings him back into the world of karate by warning him of the emptiness in dying in comfort and fine dining. “Come back to the struggle instead of fading into nothing,” his old partner seems to say. In doing so he reawakens both Terry’s killer instinct, which is downright ruthless, and his talent. I have a lot of Terry Silver in me, which is why I’ve long-avoided competition. But there might be a return.

What I’m listening to: “Carry Me Away” by John Mayer. He’s really at a creative peak (he arguably always has been).

What I’m reading: The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter. It’s one of those books that articulates well what I often think about and want to put into words myself.

What I’m doing: I’m aggressively rehabbing my foot with several physical therapy sessions each week, as well as rehab exercises I’m performing twice daily. And I’m back to both cycling AND running. Next week is my final week of physical therapy. The ankle feels better by the day and it’s very close to healed. The journey to heal the ankle was one I’d rather not do again, but it was also a purposeful one. Sometimes we find meaning in struggle. Building a foot from nothing to something has been a project that has inspired me to use the foot far more than I had in the past.

Weekly Plunder: Week 17 - Looking Glass

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Reality is whatever we construct it to be. In that sense, we are creators to a much further extent than we know. Our villains are evil because we hone in on their faults and our heroes are pristine because we fawn over their virtues.

On a long walk through downtown today I thought about how I could choose to see the magnificence of the man-made city structures and the electric bulbs affixed to them that render them ethereal at night. Or, I could choose to see the sickness hanging over the streets, the homeless who freeze to death on cold January nights and the rats that scuttle through sewers beneath the sidewalks, where they can breed disease and occasionally sneak above to the world of man and forage for food.

Much of our interpretation of reality is subjective.

On another front, my physical therapist says I am ready to start some light running and jumping on Wednesday. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this is the final stretch of rehab, though I’m not announcing myself healed just yet. Still, I feel that I am on the cusp of “going full-throttle.”

What I’m watching: The Silent Sea, Season 1 on Netflix. Another exemplary Korean show in a long list of excellent Korean shows. Korean screenwriting has really honed the craft of story structure. Layers are peeled from the story’s world at a perfect pace to keep the audience guessing and intrigued. Screenwriting is an interesting combination of mathematics and imagination.

What I’m reading: The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter. Because comfort kills.

What I’m listening to: “Hotel California” by the Eagles. In my opinion this is their masterpiece. It’s essentially a song about someone who has gone to hell and doesn’t realize it until he can’t escape. That scenario can be applied to an infinite number of personal situations.

What I’m thinking: There is an implicit contract between writer and reader. I, the writer, imagine my words will have a certain emotional effect on you, the reader. However, I don’t know how much you will read… if you’ll read a certain passage once, multiple times, or just skim a few words. I only assume we will connect somewhere, however briefly, in the two dimensional realm you’re staring at now.

Out here, outside social media, we are in the Wild West. We have no skin in the game, no one to compete for followers with, no agenda to push (outside our personal opinions). We do not push for attention or popularity, or even sales. We don’t even know each other, you and I. And therefore, with nothing to lose and no reason to continue, we are fully free to be ourselves.

Weekly Plunder: Week 16 - The Devil Rages On

I’ve had two vivid dreams this week that I can remember.

In the first dream I found myself competing again; the old athlete whom I thought had died years ago was seemingly resurrected. There is a genuine shock from the witnesses of my sudden comeback; physically, it doesn’t seem natural that a 36-year-old can still compete like a 22-year-old. It was a relatively triumphant dream.

The second dream was a night terror that I hope to forget.

What I’m watching: The Witcher season 2. Difficult for me to understand a lot of the dialogue and register the names of places and characters, but overall I enjoyed season 2 more than season 1. More fun, more kinetic, more brutal, and more narratively streamlined.

What I’m reading: The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Ortberg. This has been useful in unhinging my reliance on satisfying people’s expectations (and society’s expectations). Expectations are the source of so much modern stress, and so many of these expectations are either unrealistic or downright asinine.

What I’m listening to: “The Devil Rages On” by Volbeat. Not a song that immediately draws the ear in, but I find myself listening to it a lot. I find it interesting both lyrically and melodically. Melodically it’s a catchy rockabilly song, whereas lyrically it’s a song about someone praising hell and Beelzebub as a savior. I enjoy dichotomy. Rockabilly songs often detail a lost lover or betrayal, and it’s during heartbreak or loss that hell and its inhabitants can seem more like saviors or harbingers of hope. The song is therefore sinister and uplifting at the same time.

What I’m thinking: I’ve enjoyed a few festive days. You can overwork, but you can’t oversmile.

My final thought: it’s said that the Diné Navajos have nothing and are spiritually the happiest inhabitants in North America. Their spiritual health, in fact, is directly proportional to how little they have.

Weekly Plunder: Week 15 - Buy Buy Buy

Saturday morning. Christmas arrives in seven days. Millions scramble to buy, wrap, and prep the belly for gluttony. In one week, millions of pounds of torn wrapping paper will be disposed of for the sake presents that most didn’t need or want in the first place.

I read that once upon a time, the holiday was celebrated primarily outside, and that the holiday tradition focused on helping the poor. Celebrators spent much of the day on the urban streets, selflessly helping the starving, the diseased, and the mentally ill.

The modern holiday was invented in New York City. The NYC aristocrats of the day didn’t like this ritual of selflessness, likely fearing class warfare and social unrest. In the early 19th century, the New York City elites reinvented the holiday. “Santa” emerged as a core piece to the holiday and “gift giving” was refocused to be more self-serving, focused within the family unit. Therefore, economic growth became intertwined with ritual. The NYC aristocrats, also known as the “Knickerbockers,” made a new series of traditions. St. Nick emerged.

So, much of this “holiday tradition” that we consider Christmas is relatively new and wholly manufactured.

What I’m watching:

What I’m reading: Books that are controversial and contrarian. Having a different opinion leads to more interesting conversations.

What I’m listening to: “Wish You Were Here”by Pink Floyd. Sometimes a path forward requires looking backward. The lyrics of the song, besides indicating a longing for a lost friend or partner, emphasize the need to embrace struggle. Said Roger Waters: “It's to encourage myself not to accept a lead role in a cage, but to go on demanding of myself that I keep auditioning for the walk-on part in the war, 'cause that's where I want to be. I wanna be in the trenches. I don't want to be at headquarters.” This really resonates with me.

Why? Because comfort kills. Let me struggle as a novice, so long as I keep pedaling forward.

What I’m doing: I’m two sessions into physical therapy. Already I’m noticing more foot mobility, which makes me incredibly happy. I’ve waited so long to run again and it’s finally looking like it’ll be possible one day.

It’s overcast and cold. I’m gearing up for a long bike ride.

The Weekly Plunder: Week 13 - Change

This week, an unusual warm front meant that I took my afternoon walks without needing a jacket. One of my favorite colleagues retired, my first boss is retiring at year’s end, and my foot is inching closer to a return to running (after re-learning to walk and bike, it’s the elusive next step). It seems appropriate for late fall to signify a lot of change.

Speaking of change, I think there are two interesting philosophies regarding a person’s ability to change. The first is what I deem the “Stephen King” belief. King seems to (almost cynically) believe that we are all trapped in a vicious circle, forever doomed to repeat our past errors and (quite likely) the errors of our parents. Note how the abused child tends to become the abusive parent.

King’s Dark Tower series, for example, signifies that a quest to find the meaning of it all, a quest to the end, inevitably takes the pursuer back to his or her beginning.

Then there’s the more optimistic view of humanity’s ability to change: that as long as we’re willing to change and willing to undergo pain, change is entirely possible and never too late.

I like to think that my belief on change falls somewhere between these two sides.

What I’m watching:

I found this to be pretty hilarious!

What I’m listening to: “Changing” by John Mayer. I listened to a lot of John Mayer this week and find this song relevant for the blog topic.

What I’m reading: A little philosophy by Sartre. If it’s true that there is no reality besides the reality that the individual perceives, anyone able to shape a culture’s doors of perception is essentially a God. The social media gatekeepers therefore have far more power than even the most cynical of us believes.

What I’m doing: I assembled my skateboard and have been doing some early practice with what my ankle can currently handle. I’m also making travel plans for next year.

I had thought about training for a triathlon, but frankly I find the idea too “linear” and the training too boring. I might do one for fun, but it would have to be in my own style, and my own style would involve more randomness than a traditional training method would encompass.

I’m thinking about change and how it relates to me. What will I (we) change this week for the better, both in myself (ourselves) and the world around me (us)?

The Weekly Plunder: Week 12 - Cold Rides

Most people hate cycling in cold weather. The frigid and dry winter air bites with sharper teeth when you’re on a bicycle. Fingertips go numb quickly if they aren’t well-insulated. There’s an art to dressing for a winter bike ride.

I find winter cycling to be pretty awesome. The cold gives you something to fight against—an element to conquer and a challenge to navigate. We need challenges in life to overcome. They verify that we’re alive.

Outside of cycling, I have laser focus on rehabilitating my right foot. Getting the foot to 100% health is proving to be a trying process; I have essentially re-learned to walk again over the past few months, and now I have to strengthen a lot of very weak ligaments.

Currently I am regaining stability in the foot by practicing balancing on it, walking on the ball of it, and standing on toes. The foot stability left me on that fateful 36th birthday weekend. But like the seasons, sometimes parts of us die only to later be reborn, albeit reborn with a different set of leaves.

I am seeking a physical therapist to help me with this portion of my recovery. There’s a slight chance I’ll be able to manage a brief jog later this week.

What I’m listening to: “Revelations” by Judas Priest. This is, in my opinion, one of their most overlooked gems. It’s a swirling epic about Nostradamus and his prophesies. The band tries a lot of synths and strings on this album; though it isn’t one of their strongest albums, it has some standout tracks such as this one.

What I’m reading: Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen. Whoa, this is a long book. There’s another powerful section about an aunt who dreams of acting (but fails to “make it big”), lives in New York City, and shuns the suburban family life. She dies of cancer at a young age and with few friends, a real-life Eleanor Rigby. There seems to be a message that our aspirations don’t define us, nor do they ultimately matter much.

What I’m watching: Clint’s Reptiles on YouTube. Reptiles get an unfairly bad reputation when in fact most of them are a tiny fraction as dangerous as dogs (I don’t believe most species of reptiles pose any danger whatsoever unless threatened… but why would you threaten them?). I really enjoyed the video this week on the best “uncommon” pet reptiles. The emerald tree skinks look especially fun.

What I’m doing: I’m standing on one foot, my bad foot, and trying to strengthen it. The road to “100%” is a long one, and it will likely require external help. Sometimes we have to suck it up and ask for help. It ain’t worth attempting the journey alone.

What I’m thinking: I’m thinking of Shenandoah, when I was sleeping in a tent more than 4000 feet up in the Blue Ridge Mountains. In the dead of night I was awakened by a sudden clang. Something was trying to break into my steel food box outside of my tent, and it was more than likely a black bear (admittedly it could have been a very strong raccoon, though black bears were prevalent in the area).

At the end of the day, we all want the same thing. You, me, the Blue Ridge mountain black bears, and the spiders that hang in the corners of our window frames.

The Weekly Plunder: Week 11 - Off Road

The beauty of the gravel bike is in its lack of limitations. While a road bike has the advantage of speed, it’s also bound to pavement, and therefore subjected to most of the rules of the road.

A gravel bike can handle roads and much more. You can ride through forest, desert, and mountains. You can venture where most dare not walk. You set your own rules when you leave pavement. This gives gravel bike riders a true sense that the world is at their fingertips. Cycling across a country suddenly becomes possible.

Needless to say I’m really enjoying my gravel bike.

What I’m reading: Crossroads by Jonathan Franzen. As far as I can tell it’s a book about shame. There’s a passage in the beginning that I found particularly interesting, about a widow whose husband recently died. A pastor who has romantic interest in her suspects that she will only stay alone for a short period of time out of emotional loyalty, but that what she primarily misses is simply the feeling of companionship. After all, the pastor reasons, we tell ourselves that we will never replace our dead pets, but in due time we find justification for a new cat or dog.

This brought to mind a story I heard of a man whose wife died of cancer. He was back in the dating scene within a short period of time. What a dark epiphany about human nature.

What I’m watching: The Circle on Netflix, season 3. It’s just trashy reality television that kills time. I shouldn’t watch it… but then we shouldn’t do a lot of things that we do anyways.

What I’m listening to: “The Scarecrow” by Avantasia. What a dark, nostalgic, and poignant song. Jorn’s vocals are among his best on this one. As far as I can tell it’s a song about a lonely person who sets out on his or her own strange and twisted journey. Along this person’s journey, there is someone else trying to destroy the person’s belief system. I find it interesting; it brings to mind the transition out of school.

What I’m doing: I’m planning some pretty epic bike rides. I’ve also been searching for a physical therapist for my ankle in hopes of getting it healthy enough to run again. I’d like to run before 2021 ends and am faintly optimistic that I can get there. You don’t expect an injury to take you out of the game for so long, but you have to play the cards you’re dealt.

I also finally bought a skateboard. Why? Because I believe there is incredible value in constantly leaving my comfort zone, in seeing new places, in learning new skills, and in trying new things. I’d rather embrace being a beginner and enjoy being awkward while braving the unknown than remain in predictable territory.

I aim to disrupt my own routines when I can. It’s not about “cycling really far every day” or “running really far”. It’s about moving with a smile. That’s why I got the skateboard.

The Weekly Plunder: Week 9 - Pain with an Anchor

Winter first sinks its talons into you in the early morning and evening hours. Outside my window I can see a thin coating of frost on the neighboring library’s lawn grass; it glistens under the early morning moonlight and the city street lamps.

We (I) have to accept our (my) present situation. It can be easy to dwell on the bad and forsake the good. I attempted a run on Wednesday and quickly felt a damaged ligament tear open again; I guess it wasn’t fully healed and couldn’t take the impact that running requires. Running was a horrible mistake. I’ve felt severe pain in my walk since. If it doesn’t abate in the next few days I’ll visit a doctor. It seems that I can’t put a timetable on a return to running. It won’t be soon, I do know that, and that sucks. That’s just reality.

I can still ride a bicycle, so there’s that. Last week I managed a hike, and I should regain that ability quickly. I just have to accept a long waiting period before running is possible. Until then, I’m sure I’ll dream about it. I’ve been dreaming a lot lately.

That’s okay. There’s too much good in life to dwell. I’m trying to reign my thoughts in to focus on what good I can do today.

What I’m watching: Willy’s Wonderland starring Nicolas Cage. This is a terrible film. Even as a Cage apologist I regret paying for this one. Let the man speak, that’s what we pay for!

What I’m reading: My Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open by Tanya Goodin. It’s amazing how much social pressure there is to have an “online identity,” and how much of ourselves is stolen by giving this identity to social media companies.

What I’m listening to: “Pain as an Anchor” by Mastodon. The opening song on their new album. Title seems relevant to my foot. It’s an eerie and somewhat melancholic rocker. I actually like it, and usually I’m not a fan of the band.

What I’m doing: The weather will warm up by noon today. I’ll do a group bike ride with some friends, then visit my favorite winery tomorrow. Wearing the foot brace again. I didn’t expect to be physically limited for this long. But it’s important to not have expectations.

What I’m thinking: Thinking about a classic film called The Crazies. In the movie there’s an unknown virus that turns people more belligerent and violent. It hits a small town and a mass paranoia sets in as people wonder who is infected and who isn’t. How can you tell when the only symptom is aggressive behavior?

When I walk the downtown streets I see more belligerent behavior than usual. Maybe it’s because people were cooped inside for so long, many not working, many isolated, many stress-watching television or stress-reading news on phone screens. People do generally seem angrier and more anxious in urban areas. They drive more aggressively and indeed, by virtually all metrics, crime and obesity are rising.

Finally I’m thinking that there is too much beauty in the world to dwell on the negatives for long. Our days are finite. There’s always a pleasant surprise around the corner, regardless of what’s behind us… we just need to let ourselves look ahead. Always thinking about what my Chinese student Tony told me, back in 2018: “Be happy every day.”

The Weekly Plunder: Week 8 - Beginner Mode

A few days ago I found myself thinking about how we adults are often scared of new things. We cling to what we know out of fear of what we don’t. Experience and wisdom are supposed to flourish with age, so we cringe at the thought of being old newbies. We want to, metaphorically speaking, play all of our games at “advanced mode.” And so, as we get older our list of fears grows, while our willingness to try new things diminishes. We increasingly hate being beginners.

If there is a competition I want to engage in, it’s this: I want to be a beginner at more things than anyone else, and continue to be a beginner at more things as I age. If I suck at something, it at least means I’m willing to venture into the unknown. There is more adventure in being unfamiliar with the outcome. If I’m learning something new, it means I’m learning, and that’s certainly worth experiencing.

What are you willing to be a beginner at? My list of “beginner mode” things: skateboarding, chess, and camping.

What I’m reading: The Running Revolution by Nicholas Romanov. Though I am still unable to run, I’m very close, and I have my sights set on running at much longer distances than I ever had before.

What I’m watching: Dune (review posted). Finished season 3 of What We Do in the Shadows (really funny show, watch the movie too if you haven’t).

What I’m listening to: “Message in a Bottle” by The Police. My tribute to Sting since he played a pivotal role in the 1980’s Dune film (I am one of the few who enjoyed it). Also the new album “Dark Connection” by Beast in Black. It’s some solid 80s style metal. Pure, simple, and catchy high-octane fun.

What I’m doing: Took a long hike with my girlfriend at Turkey Run in Indiana. It involved climbing down a pretty steep waterfall and maneuvering my feet at angles I hadn’t in months (been recovering from an ankle injury). I was glad that the ankle held and I made it. It’s refreshing to breathe in some fresh fall air while walking through the assemblage of ochre, yellow, orange, and red leaves that both sheet the earth and decorate the trees (but not for long). The ankle is healing pretty well. I’m also cycling further each day.

Also shopping around for a skateboard. Because why not? I don’t want to be bogged down by routine. Regimented exercise is not my thing. I’d rather learn something fun. Yes, I intend to run, but not in the predictable linear paths of adults who tend to tether themselves to machines. And I have no qualms in breaking up an exercise with excitement. I’d rather be “skateboard zen” than “really good at running.”

The Weekly Plunder: Week 7 - The Thin Line Between Love and Hate

Hate and love stem from the same part of the brain; similar neurons fire for each. You can’t have one without the other. Completely removing hate is therefore a self-neutering of sorts. Look at young lovers unbridled by their emotions: they have both love and hate in equally apocalyptic amounts. Compared to the young, older lovers are more restrained, more judgmental, more tentative, and therefore less alive in their feelings. If the hate and love neurons once fired with fresh pistons, the gun gets rusted and the bullets barely escape the barrel. What was once a blaze becomes the faintly glowing ember of a dying fire.

As much suffering as they can cause, love and hate are both worth keeping, so long as these emotions aren’t taken too far.

I think it’s necessary to feel love and hate, so long as we love and hate the right things. “Love people, use things” is what “The Minimalists” say. If I could add a saying for hate right now it would be something along the lines of, “Hate injustice, use love.”

What I’m thinking: I’m thinking about my dreams this week. Many draw into the distant past and portray people I had long forgotten. In each dream I’m striving to be in a different state: either a state I was in previously or one that I haven’t yet achieved. I’m a swimmer trying to backtrack my technique to an old one that I once possessed, a better one, a more natural one. Or I’m an athlete who isn’t quite strong and fast enough. I think the message is to accept today, and who I am right now.

What I’m listening to: “A World Away” by Tremonti. I find Tremonti’s solo work to be painfully overlooked (the former lead guitarist of Creed). His new album rocks in my opinion.

What I’m watching: About to watch the new Dune film. Heard good things. We will see.

What I’m reading: The final story in Full Throttle by Joe Hill. It seems to be about a fictional war between America and North Korea. I think Hill is excellent at painting a vivid picture with words.

What I’m doing: Drinking wine. Got an electric wine opener because I’m tired of clumsily butchering the cork with my inept wine opening skills. I’m also healing. The ankle feels better each day. Walking feels 90% better. I’ve never been so grateful to walk normally.

The Weekly Plunder: Week 6 - Divine Intervention

Gray hues streak the sky and a dense fog hangs over the tops of the downtown Saint Louis buildings as I write this. The lack of sun renders everything pallid and gaunt.

I attempted a bicycle ride this morning. A mile uphill started the ride and it was particularly grueling for the foot. Pain shot through the upper left part of the sole, the same spot where the most severe sprains occurred from the injury. It’s the spot I have felt with every step, with every movement, over the last few months. I guess it’s my “Achilles Heel”.

The thought that the pain could carry for much longer gave me a feeling of despair (I know, logically, that the foot will heal eventually). I wondered, though, if this was my purgatory, to be constantly yearning for a healthier tomorrow that doesn’t seem to arrive (this must be the inevitable conclusion to aging). It’s strange to me that in extreme moments we seek out biblical metaphors for our problems. Everything is rendered hellish or heavenly or purgatorial.

I kept pedaling, thinking that it was unfair that I should be beaten by my own damned foot.

And as I thought this, I just kept pedaling. And slowly the pain in my foot subsided, for reasons I don’t understand. Hours later, the foot felt better still. Miraculously better. Suddenly I was walking reasonably well. I hadn’t done that since I was 35. I don’t know if the feeling will hold, but some things make no sense.

What I’m doing: I am thinking about stories, in general, and where they come from. I’m also thinking about fall and the beauty in a ground strewn with puddles, fallen acorns, and brittle yellow leaves. I’m thinking about walking, running, and swimming. I’m thinking of the past and present and the wonderful lives that have crossed paths with mine.

What I’m listening to: 1. “A Crisis of Revelation” by Trivium. I’m a sucker for a fast metal song with a solid chorus. 2. “Hunter’s Moon” by Ghost. An odd song dedicated to Michael Myers about sibling love, devotion, and obsession. 3. “AEnima” by Tool. 4. “Goodbye Blue Skies” by Pink Floyd

What I’m watching: Midnight Mass. Wow, what an excellent show. It’s much more than a horror show: it’s a show about family, community, faith, and forgiveness.

What I’m reading: Trying to finish up Full Throttle by Joe Hill. I’ve been slacking with my reading and intend to pick up the pace.

The Weekly Plunder: Week 5 - Joyless Coffee

“We have been invaded and polluted by joyless coffee.” - Tom Hodgkinson

What is a K-cup coffee maker? It’s just a tool to deliver the industrious masses their bitter and tasteless coffee courtesy of a plastic cup. The plastic smothers the coffee in chemicals, which the user then gulps in haste. Meanwhile, the coffeemaker accrues bacteria that would otherwise have been avoided with better methods such as pour-over and French press.

Filth and low quality in favor of a moment’s time. The essence of the modern work era.

What is a Starbucks, but a means to hasten industry. It can’t be good coffee because nothing about it is slow. And of course, the bitter and tasteless coffee is well-hidden under heaps of creams and artificial flavors.

It’s sad to me that most people can’t take the time to just enjoy a solid cup of coffee. Maybe we should’ve been a tea culture. Sit down! Listen to some music. Read. And slowly, over the course of many hours, sip a good pourover or French press.

What I’m reading: “All I Care About is You”, a short story by Joe Hill. It’s interesting in that it’s really a parable of what it means to be human, and the value of having desire. Set in the future, a robot devotes itself to a teenage girl, but only out of its programmed necessity. The girl argues that desire renders one insane, telling the robot that it’s lucky to feel nothing (all of her friends are having plastic surgeries and constantly upgrading their tech). The robot argues that without desire, we are nothing but a circuitry board. Is being alive worth it? Of course, but, “the price of being alive is that someday you aren’t.”

What I’m listening to: “Circle” by Slipknot. I think this one has quite a few interpretations. Lately I take it as the feeling of knowing we are doomed to repeat ourselves and the fates of our fathers. “All of my endings are waiting to begin.”

What I’m watching: Midnight Mass. This has a lot of critical acclaim. We’ll see…

What I’m doing: I decided to see a foot doctor (also known as a podiatrist). When you’ve struggled to walk for a month, it seems like a natural course of action. The doctor’s assistant claimed my injury was the worst she’d ever seen. I am still setting records obvi. Really though, you never want to hear that. I was then taken for X-Rays and scans. Somehow, miraculously, nothing is broken or ruptured. But it’s a very severe sprain. It’s looking like it’ll be four months to recovery. That’s a bummer.

I am riding a bicycle anyways. I probably shouldn’t. I don’t really give a damn because it’s fun. Fun requires risk. And without risk in life, there is no reward.

Take a risk today. Here’s to hoping you reap a reward.

The Weekly Plunder: Week 4 - Message in a Bottle

A blog is not a diary. It’s more like a message in a bottle that you send out to sea. You don’t know who will read it or if anyone ever will. Someone may find it in a day, in a year, or never. And what they think of your thoughts… is anyone’s guess. But they read your thoughts and perhaps they connect on a little of it and think, “Whoa. There’s another person someone out there in the world who’s kinda twisted, like me.”

What I’m doing: I’m selling a lot of my belongings. On reflection I’ve realized that many of them were purchased out of vanity. It’s easy to intellectualize and justify traits such as vanity and narcissism. “I bought the product because it’s sustainable,” we may tell ourselves upon purchasing overpriced pants. But the most sustainable place is a thrift shop. One day I’d like to rid myself of my vanity.

What I’m watching: Dawn of the Dead. It’s a zombie film that’s not actually about zombies. It’s about human nature. Both humans and zombies unconsciously flock to the shopping mall.

What I’m listening to: “One Night in Tokyo” by Beast in Black. It’s just stupid fun.

What I’m reading: Patagonia magazine. My favorite story is about a woman who loses the love of her life from a snow avalanche. She had planned to have kids with him. After his death she manages to freeze his seed and have it transported to a medical facility. After getting permission from her dead lover’s parents she proceeds with in vitro fertilization on herself. The first two attempts fail, but the third attempt is a success. She has her lover’s child 15 months after his death. Now that is a ghost story.

What I’m thinking: Write yourself a message in a bottle and send it out to sea. Maybe a shark will devour it or an otter will use it to club its prey. Or maybe it’ll land on a desert island and someone will read it and think, “Whoa. What a story there is in the life of this person!”

The Weekly Plunder: Week 3 - Walk

I think one often needs an ink-jet black night sky to gain a sense of truth in a world obsessed with manipulation and distraction. It is that dark and infinite expanse’s clusters of stars, nebulae, and galaxies that help us realize the insignificance of our problems. Our gadgets and occupations deceive us into thinking that we are the centrifugal force of existence, when we are just dust in the wind.

In our purest form, perhaps we are one with the earth. The New Mexico Pueblo natives build their Adobe homes from clay, from layers residing beneath the visible crust. Clay for a roof and clay for a floor. As above, so below. And they believe that’s where we came from, and what we’re made of: the same place we return when we die. Similarly, the early Northern explorers noted when crossing Alaska that the Yup’ik natives seemingly emerged from the terrain, a part of it. Surprised that any life could exist in such a frigid landscape, nonetheless human life, they were in awe.

What I’m doing: For the first time in over a month I am walking without much pain. It is the first time since those toddler years that I have essentially re-learned walking from scratch, bit by bit, as muscles and ligaments repair themselves. Every day I am able to use more portions of the foot with my steps, and every day I adapt to a more efficient form of movement. I am walking again. Running is around the corner.

What I’m watching: Creepshow, Seasons 1-2. A throwback to the classic comic series. The first episode is based on one of my favorite, and most disturbing, Stephen King stories. By the way, happy belated bday Stephen!

What I’m listening to: Megadeth. I’m seeing them live tomorrow. First show I’ve been to in years. Glad Dave Mustaine is still around. Here’s an old one I dig: Addicted to Chaos

What I’m reading: Patagonia magazine, stories of nature and survival. Incredible where some people have been, what they’ve seen, and what they’ve survived. Show me a fisherman and I see a conqueror. Show me a businessman or a corporate VP and I see a fraud! Sad what convenience and consumerism have turned us into. I feel that my swim with sharks in 2020 was only my beginning.

What I’m thinking: Do not fear age, anonymous reader, any more than the fall and winter seasons. There is beauty in decay; blueberry bushes drop their fruit in fall for us to eat their fruit, while their leaves turn from green to a beautifully stark crimson. There is beauty in age, and there is beauty in decay. Conversely, there is often ugliness in the fight against time: if you don’t believe me, look at the odd surgically pulled faces of the robots formerly known as (insert Hollywood celeb).

Torn Asunder: The Weekly Plunder

Fall hits gradually, but winter hits abruptly. Winter imposes itself on the Midwest like a sudden switchback on a long desert highway. It shows abruptly, having long-been hiding behind shimmering mirages.

What I’m doing: In my reenactment of the protagonist’s mission from the Stephen King novel Duma Key, I am attempting to walk a little farther each day (rehabbing a busted ankle=slow and tedious, like your typical Oscar winner, badabing). Today I managed to walk around my apartment building three times, which felt like a minor triumph. On Sunday I’m going to attempt an early morning swim. It’ll be my first swim in about a year.

On the minimalism front I sold a decent weight of clothes this week, not so much in a quest for less as from a standpoint of, “I bought this more out of vanity than for function.” “Stuff” is fine so long as it’s functional. It’s when we get obsessed with upgrades that it becomes dangerous. And of course, an expensive bicycle causes more pain when stolen or crashed than a stripped-down bicycle does. An expensive wardrobe is just more money lost in the event of a flood. The newness of it all stales, like all things. Take things in moderation. Enjoy cool stuff but don’t let materialism sink its fangs into you.

What I’m watching: Movies mostly suck these days but I’ll watch the James Wan film Malignant tonight. Wan directed The Conjuring and Insidious, both of which I found to be effectively suspenseful. Check my Reviews page in the upcoming days for a deep dive.

What I’m reading: Born to Run was a magnificent and inspiring novel. I can’t wait to run again. Now I’m on Full Throttle, a collection of short stories from Stephen King’s son, Joe Hill. Hill is a masterful storyteller in his own right. I’d say it runs in the family but I think it’s more a matter of picking up good habits from one’s immediate surroundings.

What I’m listening to: “The Parchment” by Iron Maiden off their new album Senjutsu. This one showcases the master storytellers at the top of their game. Kick back and let this one take you places.