Dopamine Chasers

What is dopamine? According to Health Direct, dopamine is “a chemical released in the brain that makes you feel good.” It is created naturally and can be enhanced by external forces.

Dopamine is available in abundance. It’s provided on every screen and therefore requires only a click or a tap for quick infusion.

However, a limitless supply of dopamine is a Faustian deal. By constantly chasing the highs it provides, the body stops producing the previously normal amount of dopamine. Therefore the natural state of the dopamine chaser gradually falls lower. A world without screens becomes utterly depressing and for some, unbearable. Everything is trivial compared to the social media rush.

Riding a bike also provides a dopamine high, so admittedly I chase dopamine to an extent. And fall is my favorite season to ride the bicycle.

This morning two deers crossed my path on the Riverfront trail. The dawn sunlight gilded the trees and filtered through them, creating stripes of light and dark on the path ahead of me. It was about as ethereal as the Midwest can get.

Near the end of my ride I crossed paths with some construction workers and felt a deep sense of envy for them. Unlike modern “knowledge workers,” they were actually creating something. Not a fake thing such as a spreadsheet or a report, but something material, something useful. There is craft involved, in spite of the physical labor. I believe humans were meant to create.

Changing Seasons, and Retirement

The air is brisker at dawn this week, a preliminary sign of fall. Fall is probably my favorite season; as chlorophyll’s green subsides and is replaced by vibrant shades of rust, orange, and yellow, one can easily gain a sense of change in oneself.

I was talking about retirement with a colleague the other day as she approaches her own retirement. She told me about her best friend’s husband, who died suddenly of a heart attack while on a cruise, just months after retirement.

“That’s horrific,” I said. “All that saving, all that planning, and in the end it meant nothing.”

There’s a similar lesson in the acclaimed Korean film Parasite: the best kind of plan is no plan.

“That’s why I don’t want to wait any longer to retire,” she said. “I don’t want to wait for more money or whatever. I don’t want to wait to be rich. I’d rather just be free now.”

A lesson lurked beneath those words. There is a cost to having money. There is a cost to wanting things.

That cost is often freedom, and in a life that’s already painfully short and impossible to forecast, this cost tends to be much higher than people want it to be.

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t still desire things. There’s always an upgrade, and the rate of potential upgrades is accelerating as society turns its faith toward the credit card.

There is always a better car, or another car, or another shirt. Believe me, I can find them easily. Hell, there’s always a better bicycle. One can surgically make oneself taller, lift the face, dye the hair, and smooth out some wrinkles. All of these enhancements will provide a nice illusion: the illusion that time isn’t actually degrading you.

I try to take some deep breaths and absorb this present moment in time. How is this not enough? How do I not have enough?

I am not thinking much about the future these days, or even retirement. It can’t be forecasted, and hopes bring with them stresses. I’ll just be glad to enjoy this fall season.

Fall Cycling : Vest Test Run

On Sunday morning I cycled along a section of the Riverfront Trail, which runs alongside the Mississippi River. I started at the south entrance, which I entered by maneuvering through downtown and crossing Broadway Street (a slightly dangerous lane due to its traffic… currently searching for alternative routes).

I started the ride wearing some thermal base layers, a fleece, a cycling vest, and some liner gloves (approximately 48 degrees F/ 8.9 degrees C). Due to the high intensity and the lack of stops my body heated quickly. The fleece’s hood had to be pulled off and the vest unzipped. It was a fun and sweaty ride.

I took the ride to test a new cycling vest from Mission Workshop. Lightweight but insulated, it was excellent for maintaining warmth without overheating. It also looks nice.

It was also a relatively brief ride; I went about 12 miles (19 km) north before circling back around (24 miles total). My primary thought was that it’s amazing how beautiful something organic can be shortly before its death (note the assemblage of fall leaf colors that dot the landscape, cling to the trees, and dance in the wind.

Some photos from the apex of the ride, at North Riverfront Park:

A rare warm front hit Sunday afternoon. It was likely the last day “tee shirt day” of the year. I spent the afternoon outside at several Augusta wineries (Montelle and Blumenhoff). The mood was festive, yet serene:

I slept better (in spite of a day spent guzzling wine and coffee) than I had in weeks. To me it underscored the importance of sunlight, of movement, and of joy.

Regarding minimalism, it was also a reminder that “possessions” are not my enemy: mindless consumerism is. My bicycle allowed me to race for miles along the Mississippi River. My vest and fleece kept me warm for the journey. It’s therefore my “stuff” that allows me to enjoy my hobby outside in conditions that I’d otherwise freeze in.

Patches of the Riverfront Trail involved a gravel road (my road bike was barely equipped for it). This has me on the hunt for a solid gravel bike. Not because I “want to buy more stuff”, but because I want a solid bicycle that can handle gravel.

Cycling is a hobby, and hobbies often involve ownership of material things (but they don’t have to be expensive material things). I don’t believe in “purchasing nothing” so much as I believe in “purchasing wisely”.

The Weekly Plunder: Week 2

Funny how our judgment of colors, particularly the judgment of their beauty, can change with the seasons. Orange and yellow are suddenly more alluring, whereas spring violets and sapphires are more jarring and out of place. It’s the season of pumpkin carving and corn harvesting. Leaves are more beautiful when they decay.

What I’m watching: Season 3 of What We Do in the Shadows. Hilarious!

What I’m reading: Full Throttle by Joe Hill. Dark Carousel is a personal favorite from the collection. It gave me Something Wicked This Way Comes vibes (the dark carnival with the haunted carousel that turns kids into the elderly as they spin around).

What I’m listening to: “Trains” by Porcupine Tree

What I’m doing: rehabilitating my ankle. Every attempt forward is followed by another setback. I’m a long way from healing, unfortunately. But with my inertia I’ve found more room to think.