The Quest for More

Upon reflection, I most often find myself feeling broken by my own quest for more. It can seem like I am trapped within a Sisyphean fate; each acquisition is a larger stone to push. No purchase has patched the void that started the quest for more.

The fire that lights my hell is therefore the notion that I do not have enough.

A feeling of inadequacy transmutes into a craving for something better.

This craving for something better pries open the wallet, for the sake of better days ahead.

The opening of the wallet compels the purchaser to work the hours he or she would rather be idling.

It is difficult to reverse this sick pathology, which is so well-engrained in consumerism.

At the core of my quest for more I see that there is a social element to suffering.

When fully engrained in consumerism, I compare myself to others and vie for what they have, or for more than what they have. It is the dark side of the competitor. The sense of “enough” is therefore not internal. I adhere to the perceived expectations of others, and the expectations of consumers is always to have more. So I acquire more, which requires more labor, which curtails freedom and cripples the mind.

At the same time, I sense that the “old me” is still alive, which means that there is still hope to say “enough.”

I hope to eliminate “lack” from my vocabulary.