Visiting Cousins

My younger brother and I spent the weekend in Ohio to attend my cousin Michael’s wedding. I hadn’t seen Michael in well over a decade and was humbled to have received an invitation. There have been a confluence of recent events that have led me to want to visit family more often. My uncle’s passing and my cousin’s wedding invitation were two important markers.

My brother and I lounged on a patio upon arrival at the venue and eventually met my aunt (Michael’s mom). Honestly it was nice to see faces and personalities whom I had been estranged from, yet share a genetic line with. As I get older and see the similarities we share in mannerisms and behavioral patterns, I find genetics to be more profound. It’s odd because reuniting with friends can be awkward and conversations can be forced. With my cousins, however, dialogue was an effortlessly flowing river.

In the wedding speeches to celebrate Michael I heard life events that easily could have been mine or my brother’s (loving sports, practicing pro wrestling moves for fun, drawing from an endless source of energy as a kid). It stokes the nature vs nurture debate. How can two people growing up in different states and different circumstances exhibit the same life patterns and struggles? Genetics and chance. Which also begs the question: how much of me is me?

The weather was perfectly conducive to an outdoor wedding (sunny and 75 degrees Fahrenheit) and I was glad the ceremony went off without a hitch. I was also humbled that my extended family was happy to see me. All the credit for the visitation goes to Michael, who was always the best of all of us at making an effort to remain in touch. It was a lesson for me to take the time and visit; the emotional rewards are well worth the effort.

I was caught in a flurry of flight cancellations on the flight back to Saint Louis and am currently sitting in the Charlotte airport (my layover) hoping I don’t have to stay overnight. So far my flight is delayed almost three hours. Eric’s flight was canceled and he’s off to a nearby hotel. We’ll see.

I spent Sunday afternoon drinking coffee with my brother Eric and cousin Katie (Michael’s older sister). We had an interesting conversation about human nature. It was one of those coffee talks that veered a hundred directions and someone landed on human nature.

“We’re basically chimpanzees, so of course we’re inherently violent. Especially men.”

“We’re savages with brains.”

“But with our brains comes the opportunity for self-reflection, and therefore self-restraint.”

“So we create laws and rules to tame ourselves. And therefore many of us are either at war with ourselves or with each other.”

I also had a pleasant conversation with two people whom I would term my “cousin in-laws.” That is, their father is my aunt’s partner. And through our conversation I was reminded of the struggles so many of us are forced to assume, against our own choice, but somehow, incredibly, persevere through. The oldest child died of brain cancer. There is a genetic health condition passed down in their family line. The next youngest is legally deaf. Both parents are legally blind.

And through stories such as these I’m reminded that, point blank, I’m basically just really freakin’ lucky. And I should be humble to be so lucky. I should be grateful that, in spite of some health issues of my own, I’ve had a good run up to this point in time.

I’m also grateful that, though I reunited with my cousins far too late, I learned that I need to take initiative to invest and be curious in their lives, because they’re pretty incredible people and well worth it. Better late than never.