Weekly Plunder: Week 27 - “Darkness at the Heart of My Love”

After successfully completing a 5-mile run at a St. Patrick’s Day event yesterday, I find myself quietly content. It was the fastest run of my life. That, for a 36-year-old coming off of a severe foot injury, is unexpected. There were a few months last year following the car hit where I wondered if I’d ever run again. I paid a physical therapist for multiple sessions per week through December and January out of desperation; my foot is finally functional again.

I am preparing for a 30-ish mile bike ride this morning. Though the competition yesterday was fun (to be honest, I find competition to be utterly intoxicating), I no longer find myself at an age where I yearn to “chase an athletic pinnacle.” I’m not training; I’m preparing for a quiet few hours along the river. I’ll see the same flock of geese that I encounter multiple times per week. They recognize me now, I think, because as I pass, they regard me with a near-rude nonchalance. They used to fly away. Now they keep loitering about in place.

If there is enough time when I return, I’ll skateboard a little, and do so badly. Something about having hobbies that you suck at is invigorating.

I am “in the game” now not to “beat people,” but for a splash of sunshine and to reenact a recurring dream, that as I ride over the Chain of Rocks bridge that takes me across the Mississippi River, I’ll keep riding into a spirit world, never to be seen or heard from again. I aim to be lost in time, to let this day feel like an eternity, to exist only in the now.

I have a strong relationship with the bicycle because my body is its gas, my legs are its pistons, and my hands are practically laced together with its brakes. It is a unique symbiosis of human and machine. There is also a darkness at the heart of my love; each pedal forward is, I must admit, a fight against my own mortality. At the heart of all love one can find a dose of darkness.

What I’m watching: Servant, season 3. I was intrigued by the first two seasons of this M. Night Shyamalan series, but I find season 3 to be repetitive. It has its moments but I can’t say I’m enraptured.

What I’m reading: The Midlife Cyclist by Phil Caves. This is more about embracing one’s “second life” than it is about cycling (but it does have some useful cycling tips).

What I’m listening to: “The Darkness at the Heart of My Love” by Ghost. Impera, the new Ghost album, dropped on Friday. I’m obviously a fan and I’ve had it on repeat since Friday. It seems to be an album about the eventual fall of empires. This is my favorite track on it. It’s not the lead single, and it’s not necessarily a ballad either. It’s just different, and yet it speaks to me. It’s also the inspiration for the title of this blog.

What I’m doing: I’m packing for a week-long trip to Northern California. Bringing my best camera for this one!