Ownership

I haven’t been sleeping well, but that was a foregone conclusion after the collarbone break. Every turn ignites a pain that wakes me. As a result, I wake up hourly through the night.

I heard a phrase that had me thinking today: “You’re only buried with your coffin.” I think it was something that “The Minimalists” said.

I look at the cracked screen of my phone, which hit the earth along with my hip on that bike crash. It was a 50 dollar smartphone. Had it been a new iPhone, it would have been a thousand dollar cracked smartphone. A better phone would be tantamount to a greater loss. More to gain means more to lose.

Things are fragile. They crack, they degrade, and they depreciate. Your loss will inevitably be tantamount to your acquisition: ultimately, it’s just you and a coffin. The rest is fodder for mites.

Last night I watched an episode of Cabinet of Curiosities: “The Outside.” It was about the human need to belong in a consumerist culture. A woman who wants to become part of a popular female social circle at work goes to horrifying lengths to beautify herself.

The episode, thematically, is a critique of consumerism. The social circle of women relish an anti-aging cream, and the main character smothers it over her skin as though addicted to it, despite clearly being allergic to it. “This cream will transform me,” she convinces herself, as so many of us do with our countless creams and lotions.

The results, to say the least, are stomach-churning.

Between the grotesque close-ups of cream being smothered to rotting skin, and the close-ups of people eating heavily processed foods, I found myself acknowledging a truth: yes, consumerism is horrifying.

The days grow colder and I realize that with a lack of movement, I will also have more time to reflect. This is a forced pause. Hopefully in this reflection and meditation, I can rid more of the sense of self that was manifested by materialism.