Grinding the Teeth

I am a chronic teeth grinder, especially while I sleep. So much so that I often wake up with headaches, and sometimes they’re intense enough to last for over an hour. For the second time I’ve managed to grind out the dental fillings in one of my teeth. The fillings of a third tooth are loosening and will likely break off soon. I literally ground my teeth with such pressure that the fillings popped right out.

It’s a problem that my stubborn sleep-self refuses to fix.

I’m not sure if you can meditate your way out of teeth grinding, but maybe I’ll try. Getting fillings at the dentist sucks enough that I’m going down the Google rabbit hole in search of a fix.

It may be a surprise to many because I’m usually calm by day. Maybe it’s the universe’s way of balancing things out. Light casts a shadow over every object.

I find myself thinking about death more often lately. Maybe it’s 40 approaching, which is approximately the midway point. Maybe it’s that I’m old enough to know people who have died, which inevitably happens if you live long enough. Then you mourn, process the moments that seemed so fleeting in retrospect, and find that life mercilessly moves on. Time doesn’t slow for their final moments, nor does society pause for your mourning. Your elders tell you not to wait for tomorrow for good reason.

I’m not scared of death, probably because I do think about it and recognize its inevitability. I see people around me who are my age or younger and are clearly terrified. Some dye their hair, get lifts or tucks, spend their free time searching for the latest anti-aging supplements, or pay for whatever hides the incurable decay that age inflicts. I’m good with all of it.

I’m also good to ride with time. It’s not like I have a choice. That doesn’t mean I won’t push my limits to the final moments. When Death does arrive, it’ll have to run me down and then keep swinging to the end of the final round. My University of Texas Swimming teammates used to say, “If you’re gonna beat Matt, it’s possible, but he’ll make you suffer for it.” That’s the attitude I want to take to the end.

But I do need to get a hold of this teeth grinding issue.